Archive for Memories and Fun

Aug
01

Juke Box Time Machine . . .

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We live in such a time, it’s hard to appreciate the days of yore. So we thought we’d offer our readers some escape from the present and into the past with – A JUKE BOX TIME MACHINE 

Each of the years below connects to the best 20 hits of that year via a Jukebox. Click on a year, wait a few seconds, and a Jukebox will appear showing you 20 hits from that year to select from. You can play all 20 hits, or.. click on just those that you like. Also other items of interest are posted for each year. {Plus current ads, of course.} Enjoy the ride!

> > > 1940 > > > 1950 > > > 1960 > > > 1970 > > > 1980 > > > 1990
> > > 1941 > > > 1951 > > > 1961 > > > 1971 > > > 1981 > > > 1991
> > > 1942 > > > 1952 > > > 1962 > > > 1972 > > > 1982 > > > 1992
> > > 1943 > > > 1953 > > > 1963 > > > 1973 > > > 1983 > > > 1993
> > > 1944 > > > 1954 > > > 1964 > > > 1974 > > > 1984 > > > 1994
> > > 1945 > > > 1955 > > > 1965 > > > 1975 > > > 1985 > > > 1995
> > > 1946 > > > 1956 > > > 1966 > > > 1976 > > > 1986 > > > 1996
> > > 1947 > > > 1957 > > > 1967 > > > 1977 > > > 1987 > > > 1997
> > > 1948 > > > 1958 > > > 1968 > > > 1978 > > > 1988 > > > 1998
> > > 1949 > > > 1959 > > > 1969 > > > 1979 > > > 1989 > > > 1999

ENJOY THE MEMORIES

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How a couple of cows explain a changing region: equal opportunity offender edition.

BY KARIM SADJADPOUR | JUNE 15, 2011

In the early years of the Cold War, in an effort to simplify — and parody — various political ideologies and philosophies, irreverent wits, in the spirit of George Orwell, went back to the farm. No one really knows how the two-cow joke known as “Parable of the Isms” came about, but most students of Political Science 101 have likely come across some variation of the following definitions:

Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one of them and gives it to your neighbor.

Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

Nazism: You have two cows. The government shoots you and takes the cows.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Over the years, the parables gradually expanded, using the two-cow joke to explain everything from French unions (You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.) to the Republican Party (You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?). While in its original iteration the cows were a metaphor for currency, capital, and property, they later began to take on different meanings.

Today, the Middle East has replaced the Cold War as America’s primary foreign-policy preoccupation. As opposed to the seemingly ideologically homogenous communist bloc, however, the 22 diverse countries that compose the modern Middle East are still confusing to most Americans. Why can’t the Israeli and Palestinians stop fighting already? What’s the difference between Libya and Lebanon again?

Herewith then is a satirical effort to simplify the essence of Middle Eastern governments so that, in the immortal words of George W. Bush, “the boys in Lubbock” can read it. And, rather than symbolizing property, the cows here symbolize people, which — funny enough — is how most Middle Eastern regimes have traditionally viewed their populations.

Saudi Arabia
You have two cows with endless reserves of milk. Gorge them with grass, prevent them from interacting with bulls, and import South Asians to milk them.

Iran
You have two cows. You interrogate them until they concede they are Zionist agents. You send their milk to southern Lebanon and Gaza, or render it into highly enriched cream. International sanctions prevent your milk from being bought on the open market.

Syria
You have five cows, one of whom is an Alawite. Feed the Alawite cow well; beat the non-Alawite cows. Use the milk to finance your wife’s shopping sprees in London.

Lebanon
You have two cows. Syria claims ownership over them. You take them abroad and start successful cattle farms in Africa, Australia, and Latin America. You send the proceeds back home so your relatives can afford cosmetic surgery and Mercedes-Benzes.

Hezbollah
You have no cows. During breaks from milking on the teat of the Iranian cow you call for Israel’s annihilation.

Iraq
You have three cows: one Sunni, one Shiite, and one Kurd. The first is milked by Saudi Arabia, the second by Iran, and the third smuggles its milk abroad. The United States picks up the manure.

Bahrain
You have three cows: two Shiites and one Sunni. Invite Saudi Arabia to come kill a Shiite cow and import another Sunni cow.

Yemen
You have two cows. Feed them khat instead of grass and neglect to milk them. Watch them fight each other.

Hosni Mubarak’s Egypt
You have 10 cows. Neglect to tend to them, but prevent them from fighting Israel in order to get milk from America.

Post-Mubarak Egypt
You have 10 cows who think they now own the farm. There’s still no milk.

Zine el-Abidine Ben Ali’s Tunisia
You have two cows. Beat them regularly and use the milk money for your wife’s shopping sprees in Paris. When the cows revolt, retire to Saudi Arabia.

Post-Ben Ali Tunisia
See post-Mubarak Egypt.

Libya
You have two cows. You wish they were camels. Feed them only your words of wisdom and kill them if they dare moo.

Turkey
You have two cows and one sheep. You claim that the sheep is really a “mountain cow.”

Qatar
You have one cow that has hundreds of udders. You use the limitless milk money to set up a television channel that broadcasts the other cows in the region being milked (except Saudi Arabia’s).

United Arab Emirates
You have two cows. You bring in Filipino nannies, South Asian laborers, and Russian prostitutes to make sure they’re well taken care of. Sell the milk to build the world’s biggest shopping mall.

Jordan
You have one cow, surrounded by wolves. Pretend that it’s a magic cow that has the power to pacify wild animals, and then ask America for milk.

Palestine
You had two cows that were lost decades ago. Lament them.

Israel
You have two bulls. Pretend they are helpless calves.

Now that we have that cleared up for you, you’ll be able to sort through the news about Middle East . . . okay!

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Jun
17

Congressman Submits to Lie Detector Test

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This week we’ve posted some updates of the same BullXXXX coming out of Washington and global politics.  And we didn’t have the time to comment about the Anthony Wiener scandal, the added vacation, dubbed Presidential good will trip, to Puerto Rico by the President accompanied by another bailout equivalent for support staff: secret service, 30-50 automobiles, five added Marine One decoy helicopters and countless news reporters, White House chefs, doctors and entourage.

And we didn’t begin to get to the media censorship of vital issues, rather the daily coverage of the Caylee Anthony drama trial, or the cultural misguidance of sex education.  Nevertheless, we figured that you’ve probably picked that up from 101 different other news sources for entertainment.  No, our constant quest for an honest politician has completely consumed our schedules.  But, GOOD NEWS!  I think we’ve actually found one.  That’s right!  Well, let’s just say, maybe he’s not completely honest. But, at least he’s willing to “comply” with our pressures for reform.  And that, we believe, is a very good start in Washington.  Now, if you’ll just pass the word around and get your elected officials to comply . . . well, we think it may become a real movement!  Let’s take a look!

Lie Detector Politician

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Jun
11

Remember Your Heart

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This week has been a breath of fresh air to pause to forget about the news and the current events of the day.  We’ve had a time to walk down memory lane to a quieter time, a place of harmony, peace, and serenity.  A time when life was not so crowded or clouded by economic confusion, and misguided governments.  A time to remember your heart.

We’ve had a chance to post to Good Fun – Clean Living. Perhaps it’s given each of us an opportunity to examine ourselves. To find out what really matters. We’d like to think that we’ve encouraged you to focus on the word of God, the blessings of life; the gifts of generous love for one another, and a purpose for living a quiet and peaceful life.

We hope you’ve had the opportunity to smile with “Bring Me Sunshine,” laugh with Jack Benny and Marilyn Monroe in the innocence of the day, dispel the blues by dancing and singing in the rain with Gene Kelly, wonder at pure preciousness of children  with Art Linkletter and “Kids Say the Darndest Things.” And we remembered the devotion Red Skelton with his comic portrayal of adlib character and his tribute to The Pledge of Allegiance.

We’d love to dedicate more time to the affections of grace and harmless splendor, of good fun and clean living; and perhaps we will contribute to the memories again at a later date.  Still, we need to report the news, the events and the growing paradigms affecting lives by today’s world changes.

But for today, in a world diminishing with harmony, we’d like to end the week with a tribute to a quartet harmony that lasted for 40 years.  As written in the Lennon Sisters Biography, “America fell in love with The Lennon Sisters as the “girls next door.” For 13 years on “The Lawrence Welk Show”, The Lennon Sisters charmed the nation with their sweet-voiced harmonies.

The combination of their extraordinary natural vocal talents, hard working professionalism, striking looks, unassuming personalities and strong family values has earned them a place in the hearts of millions of fans nationwide.  They worked tirelessly at state and county fairs, charity benefits, conventions, and for church and civic organizations.

The American public clamoured for more.  They became a national phenomena. The country was enamoured with the new celebrities who remained unaffected by all the attention and continued to maintain that the most important elements in their lives were their family and their faith in God.

The Lennon Sisters became role models for young women everywhere. As the quintessential American girls, they sang for six United States Presidents, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Ford, Carter and Reagan, an achievement that few other performers can claim.

In the 1980s, fans were delighted to learn that The Lennon Sisters continued to grow more beautiful with each decade and were singing better than ever, with increasingly intricate harmonies and sensitive interpretations of the works of such classic American composers as Irving Berlin, George and Ira Gershwin and Duke Ellington.

America’s Singing Sweethearts have transformed before our eyes into sophisticated ladies. The transformation was documented in their 1986 quartet-authored memoir, “Same Song, Separate Voices.” The book gave the public new insight into the unique, personal struggles each has faced, and the challenges of four distinct individuals whose blend as a single unit is the charm of their professional identity and success.

In 1987, they were awarded a star on the world famous Hollywood Walk of Fame, immortalizing their popularity.”

The Lennon Sisters – May You Always

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Jun
10

Red Skelton – Pledge to America

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Red Skelton was an American pantomimist, meaning the art of communication by means of gesture and facial expression.  One of the rarest radio and television comedian hosts of all time, he brought a unique talent of truth and sensitivity onto the Hollywood stage characterized as a clown. He is remembered for his forthright patriotism, always referencing God in his devotion.  

Born in Vincennes, Indiana, Richard Skelton was the fourth son and last child of Ida Mae and Joseph E. Skelton (1878–1913). Joseph, a grocer, died two months before his last child was born. In Skelton’s lifetime there was some dispute about the year of his birth, noting Skelton began working at such a young age, he may have had to say he was older than he actually was in order to work.

Because of the loss of his father, young Richard went to work at an early age, selling newspapers to help his family when he was seven. He quickly learned the newsboy’s patter and would keep it up until a prospective buyer bought a copy of the paper just to quiet young Skelton. In 1923, a man came up to the young newsboy, purchased every paper he had and asked him if he wanted to see the show in town, giving him a ticket. The man, comedian Ed Wynn, was part of the show and later took young Skelton backstage. It was then that he realized what he wanted to do with his life. Skelton learned that he could make people laugh at an early age. When Skelton was ten, he auditioned to be part of a medicine show. When he accidentally fell from the stage, breaking bottles of medicine as he fell, people laughed. The young boy realized he could earn a living with his ability. By age 14, he had left school and was already a veteran performer, working in local vaudeville and on a showboat, “The Cotton Blossom”, that traveled the Ohio and Missouri rivers. Young Skelton was interested in all forms of acting. He won a dramatic role with a stock theater company, but was unable to deliver his lines in a serious manner; the audience laughed instead. Ida Skelton, who held two jobs to support her family after the death of her husband, never said that her youngest son had run away from home, but that “his destiny had caught up with him at an early age.”  Red Skelton remembers, “I left home because I was hungry.”

Skelton is remembered for quotes too numerous to mention.  To mention a few:

“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.”

“Congress: Bingo with billions.”

“God’s children and their happiness are my reasons for being.”

“I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose — to build not to destroy.  If I can make people smile then I have served my purpose for God.” 

And here’s a good one, “Today’s comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They’re shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.”

On stage, Skelton had nine characters: Cauliflower McPugg: the poor boxer who was also a little punch drunk.  Clem Kadiddlehopper:  the farmer.  Junior: a destructive problem child.  Deadeye: the fastest cowboy gun in the west.  San Fernando Red:  the not so innovative politician. ” Willie Lump Lump: the alcoholic. George Appleby: afraid of his own shadow.  Gertrude and Heathcliff: the two birds – drunk and nagging. And then, there was Freddy the Freeloader: the hobo clown; homeless and living at the city dump.  

But Red Skelton said Freddy the Freeloader was a little bit of you, a little bit of me, a little bit of all of us. He found out what love was. He knows the value of time.  He knows that time is the glutton that eats up life.  When people say, “They don’t have time for this or for that,” Red Skelton would say, “There’s plenty of time. The trick is to apply it.”  The man, Red Skelton, would say the greatest disease in the world today is procrastination.  Now, Freddy Freeloader knows about all of these things; and so do we.  Freddy doesn’t ask anybody to provide for him, because it would be taking away from you.  He doesn’t ask for equal rights if it’s going to give up some of yours. And he knows that patriotism is more powerful than guns.  He is nice to everybody because he was taught that man was made in God’s image.  He’s never met God in person, and the next person you meet just might be God incarnate. “Freddy,” Red Skelton said, “is a little bit of all of us.”

We’ve included a couple of clips to celebrate the life and the memory of Red Skelton.

Freddy the Freeloader and Eva Gabor 

Red Skelton and The Pledge

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